The daily description of my life in hell (otherwise known as the Wann Langston Memorial Library). Pretty much.
Thursday, February 21, 2002
I don't know if i've mentioned it before but Dan (on top of all his other annoying habits) will sometimes talk to you with his eyes closed. You may not think that this is any annoying thing but that's probably because you have never seen it before. Ask someone to have a conversation with you and close their eyes at a random spot in talking and keep them closed, tilting their head back as if they are looking at you from underneath. You will stand about five seconds of it before you run away bawling. This used to bother me sooo bad until I found a way to deal with it.
Now, when he closes his eyes - i walk to another part of the room, walk behind him or leave the room entirely. Hilarity ensues when he opens them again. Hopefully, he will learn a lesson. I doubt it. posted by Sadie at 10:36 AM
It's not even 9'0clock yet and Dan has annoyed me enough for the whole day! The thing about Dan is...he could be telling you where the lost city of Atlantis is and you would be thinking "god, man, shut up!". With all his ummm, erm, and air swallowing it takes him about an hour to get through one. sentance. Add on the fact that while one sentance is enough to cover whatever it is he's talking about - he feels the need to use four or five. 'Just the facts' is never enough for Dan. Oh no, he assumes that you give two little turds about what pathetic little nothing is happening to him. Or to someone he knows (because he knows all the people in power, don't ya know). I bet these people wouldn't recognize Dan if he had their faces painted on his ass.
Little tip Dan -OU sucks as a library school. Sucks so big it can suck in a circle. It's like number 200 in the country. No wonder you graduated from there and now work in this place.
He came up to me earlier (everyone, cringe inwardly) and needed to make a copy while I was copying, he just had one peice of paper so I let him. He goes, "Just one." lays it down and advises me to "just push the button". REally??? Cause I have been standing here for six months trying to figure out how to work it...you mean I just had to push the button???? This same conversation happened yesterday, except yesterday I had to clear the two page copy mode (for copying books). Dan got all flustered and said, "It's the green button".
Sometimes, I want to weep for Dan. He's such a fucking moron who lacks any sort of de social skills.....
but then I think - wait, he's a fucking moron for a reason. And his pathetic life is none of my concern. posted by Sadie at 8:47 AM
Wednesday, February 20, 2002
Hooray!!! Me computer has been returned!! Hooray hooray!! And the lady didn't mention that it may have been all those games and mouse chasers and movie previews I downloaded that did it but I think she knew. Good for her for not turning me in. she is not the mole i thought she was.
Sadie and her computer live to see another day! And AND I'm off in an hour. Sweet. posted by Sadie at 3:30 PM
<Ugh, I am sooo bored. Could I be anymore bored than right now?? I hope my computer comes back. CH-eryl got a new perm. She looks like The Worm if he was a white female. I can't talk to her for laughing.
BORED> want to leave, want to go home, want to so many other things. posted by Sadie at 2:47 PM
"The Millennium Films project centers on a young man who sets off for college and learns more about life and love from the eccentric inhabitants of his apartment building than he learns at school. Jeffrey Porter will direct from a script by Charles Kephart. "
There are six computers in the lobby of the library. Count em, six. All six are fully functional with the internet and word and websites to do..say, your taxes. At 9 in the morning there is only one person on one of these six fully functional computers. Me. Me doing my taxes...important stuff no? In walks some balding dipshit - I'm on the phone. He looks around. No doubt sees six functional computers. But one of them is not like the others, one of them just...well, doesn't belong. Could it be the one that has a huge note that says "PLEASE DON'T USE THIS COMPUTER - IN USE. LIBRARY."? Nah. Could it be the one that has several official applications going? Such as email? Or tax forms? Nah. Could it be the one that has papers and a pen sitting next to it? Of course not..hahaha this computer isn't being used. This balding dipshit sits himself down, CLOSES my tax return stuff and procedes to look up whatever. Hair plugs. Or dipshit cream. I don't know.
So I go running over there in a panic. "Sir," I say, "Did you not see the note? This computer is in use! Oh god, Please, don't tell me you closed what I had open."
He says, "Well, I thought no one was here." He must be Barney Fife.
I say, "Yeah well they comendered my computer and I'm using this one. There are five other fully functional computers here."
He says, "I almost done..thirty more seconds ok?"
He almost got a kick in the shins. If I wasn't worried about my status as an employee here in hell - he would have. posted by Sadie at 10:38 AM
Tuesday, February 19, 2002
Dr. Pedulla, you are my hero. never again shall I refer to you as Dr. Ablongatta for your bizarre name. Never again shall I suggest that your herd of children start a crusade. Because you sir, are a saint.
How brilliant was your response today! Dan is standing there all bumbles and breathing and erm, um, american he-art erm al and you said, cutting him off, "Ok Dan is that yes or no?" and it was totally obvious you wanted to say, "Ok Dan was that English or Stupid?"!!!! Then, later, when you didn't realize I was back from lunch you gave dan an assignment and then when you saw I was here you told Dan to give it to me. He tried to write something dumb on it but I made him look stupid by putting the UI into the machine and printing out the sent request before he was even done talking about whatever bullshit he was talking about. Then I crossed out what he'd written with his scratchy indestinguisable letters and you laughed! You thought mocking Dan was allright!!
You sir, are a saint.
Dan, you are still the biggest ass I have ever met. posted by Sadie at 3:41 PM
An interesting thing on the dear abby board:
someone is posting as if they were a cat at a keyboard. For example, she got all mad and said it was unfair that humans could carry guns and cats can't. Or that dear abby keeps printing dog letters. Baby_the_magnificent_cat you are one odd bird. posted by Sadie at 10:52 AM
So there I am, faxing an article cause that's what I do - copy, fax and shelve. And there Dan is, talking on the phone to one of his friends (probably his home answering machine). He's all blah blah computer stuff blah blah bullshit blah blah when suddenly he says, with no hint of speech impediment that usually impedes him "but it can play one hell of a game of Doom!"
I think I peed myself.
Dan plays Doom!! ahahahahahahaha this shouldn't be surprising though..really. posted by Sadie at 10:28 AM
Monday, February 18, 2002
Could it be any worse?? Honestly, I know I work in Hell but this is taking it to far! Beastie Dan...curse him. wait, he's already curse I'm pretty sure. I thought I could get through a whole day without annoyance but no - he has to interrupt my moment to annoy me. See, he has his own job - I know because he comes in to do this job 15 minutes late everyday. But, for some reason, he always wants to do my job. And not when it's convienent for me...no no he wants to do my job while I'm doing it. For example, if I'm calling overdue late book people..he's wanting to wave some book in my face and pull the cards away. This resulted (yes, it happend for real) in touching. I can't talk on the phone and hurl at the same time.
Advise to Dan: I don't piss on your bush so keep your prick off mine PLEASE
Meh. Now he's reading up on the little kid's disease with some sick fascination. While you're in there looking up disfiguring diseases why don't you find out why your kid looks so much like an albino frog. posted by Sadie at 4:23 PM
Ugh, I don't think I can even talk or write about what I want to without it sounded all melodramatic and cliched. I hate hospitals, I hate them so much. And why not cliched? I mean, come on everything about this fucking place is cliched. It's the handling of the sick, dead and the dying, how more cliched can you get? who knows what else to say in connection with children pushed around in little fake cars with IVs that isn't cliched? Even the irony of a child who won't make it to 16 pretending to drive a car is cliched. I hate this fucking place more today than ever. I used to think the irony of the sick sleeping in clean sheets was funny...or the little hats the chemo patients wear - I used to comment on how it singled them out like jews but you know what? Today is cliched and not funny, not funny at all posted by Sadie at 4:12 PM
I hate you Wal-Mart.
I hate how you're putting all the ghetto stores out of business.
I hate how you have to drive a certain way to park in the slanted spots.
I hate how that way is never the way I'm going.
I hate how you have old people greeting me at the doors.
I hate how they probably don't have retirement.
I hate how you're bakery cookies look so good but taste like chalk.
I hate how your freezer section is so huge and cold that my nipples are hard everywhere I go.
I hate how you make brand names look irresistible.
I hate how many screaming children you have in your store.
I hate how you put your employees in bright orange letters shirts that say "Ask me, I know." when they don't know shit.
I hate how you don't sell jesus candles.
I hate how you won't let me get my own cigarettes.
I hate how you won't let me smoke my cigarettes.
I hate how your magazines aren't porn.
I hate how you put the fresh strawberries on top of the rotten ones to hide them.
I hate no one is ever manning your deli.
I hate how your aisle names don't match up with what's on them.
I hate you're short little cash registers.
I hate how you call yourself SuperWalMart when all you really are is Walmart with a food section.
I hate how I have to shop at you all the time and can't stop.
I hate you Wal-Mart.
(Not work related but I go there after work a lot!) posted by Sadie at 12:01 PM
In my email box from the integris employee list regarding cafeteria specials:
Join us in our ongoing celebration of
Black History Month!!!
Fried Chicken,Turnip Greens,Steak Fries,
and a 20 oz. fountain soda for
$3.95 No Discount
When I said it was 1994 - I was wrong. It's 1952. posted by Sadie at 10:08 AM
Ah, I can feel the eyes of Big Brother pressing down on me. He's everywhere..I guess I shouldn't be surprised to find censoring nazis in hell but really...in this day and age? They are censoring email. No "four letter words". You know what, fuck you. FUCK YOU. It's incredible. I must have slipped through some sort of time warp. It must be 1994 and I must be 13. What the hell?
Big Brother is watching the parking lot. There was a list given to supervisors of who's parking in the wrong place. Of course, my name was on that list, I mean there is no way I'm going to take some stinky shuttle that makes me 20 minutes late to my nazi job. The thing is..I never got a ticket or a note letting me know they were spotting my car. What is this return of the Rosenburgs? Are we into spying here? Apparently.
I think brain washing is also an acceptable practice. Thank god I didn't go back for my second "MMR" shot. That one's probably the serum. I could be one of these zombies obsessivel walking around here with their pedometers whispering "Love, Learn, Lead, Kill". "Sadie, why don't you get one of your Integris issued pedometers?" Um, because my life is pathetic enough without knowing exactly how many steps it took me to get to the goddamn cafeteria.
Thursday, February 21, 2002
